Couple on a hike to reconnect and feel more in love. Couples therapy is Westfield, NJ is available at Mountainside Counseling Center and with online therapy in New Jersey.

I find couples work to be the most challenging and the most rewarding. It’s hard. But, the harder the better.

Timing Is Everything When It Comes To Marriage Counseling

According to the Gottman Institute, couples wait for an average of 6 years to start therapy. That’s SIX years of being unhappy before they seek help in counseling. Many couples who come to see me consider couples counseling a last resort. Of course, they’ve been very unhappy for many years. It’s this timing that often makes couples work so hard.
My work with couples is to provide the road map to get your marriage back on track. We talk about the patterns you’re in. What’s working, and what’s not. And, what we can do to bring the couple together in a healthy way. This is something we call the “circle of health”. Most couples come in with some conflicts at the top of their mind. I help couples work on their differences in a loving, constructive way. The goal is not necessarily to achieve some resolution. Some problems are perpetual and need to be accepted and negotiated. It’s easy for me to say. I’m not in the relationship. But, I am looking in from the outside. In fact, you’ll hear me say “That’s easy for me to say” a lot!

If your goal is to break up, then we’re not a good fit for couples therapy.

Even if you’re 90% sure you’re out, but not 100%, I can work with that.

Couple looking upset, separated or considering divorce in Westfield, New Jersey. Telehealth or video therapy in New Jersey is available at Mountainside Counseling Center

If your goal is to come together and resume and rejuvenate the love and companionship you want, let’s do this. The training and experience I’ve received from the Couples Institute, the Gottman Institute, and Relational Life Therapy will be put to good use. Together, we can all work to get your marriage back on the right track.

A word about my couples therapy training:

Many therapists say they do couples work without any training outside of graduate school. Seeing a therapist with actual post-graduate couples training is a key to successful therapy. I’ve participated in three different styles of training and, in my practice, they work together. The foundation of my work is rooted in Relational Life Therapy. Relational Life Therapy, or RLT, has some distinct differences from traditional therapy. Fortunately, these differences speak directly to my personal style. If you’re looking for direction, clarity, and authenticity, then we’re a good fit.
In RLT we present ourselves as being “in the soup” with you. We are neither better than you or worse than you-we have our own relationships and our own problems, and we talk about them. I’m in a position to see, objectively, what you can do to make things better. And sometimes It’s a problem I’ve actually had in my own marriage. Another difference is the old fashioned notion that a therapist has to be fair. Sorry. Sometimes, the hard truth is that one person is doing 90% of the damage. And, the only thing the other person is doing wrong is being there. In RLT we take sides when we have to. We confront grandiosity in a spirit of “we will take you on AND help you.” RLT has other specific differences from traditional therapy. Many of which you can read more about here.

Online Counseling for Couples in New Jersey

I currently offer couples counseling only online due to the COVID 19 pandemic. Online couples counseling works. I have found that the intimacy and closeness of the screen can sometimes be more intense than in the office. Couples also seem to have a harder time “going off the rails”. Resorting to their usual, non-workable behavior when they’re at home talking to me. However, sometimes it’s the opposite. I get to see how a couple REALLY is rather than what they present in the office. So, it goes both ways.

Couples counseling can be confusing at times, especially when the desire to attend is greater for one, and not the other. Or, when one of you wants to meet with me individually. it’s best to talk about these potential scenarios ahead of time.

Man and woman, both on phones looking disconnected and possibly suspicious of infidelity or an affair. Couples counseling in Westfield, NJ is available at Mountainside Counseling Center or with online therapy in New Jersey

Common Questions About Marriage Counseling

What if I want to do couples therapy, but my spouse doesn’t want to?

Always a tough one.  If a partner is unwilling to do counseling, it’s unlikely they’ll be willing to do the work if we convince them to attend, but it’s worth a shot.  I’m happy to talk to spouses who are reluctant – and of course, there’s no commitment required. I often meet individually with the partners to make sure we’re a good fit-and that couples counseling has a chance to work

Can I see you myself, and then try to get my husband to attend?

Sometimes what we do is a sort of “individual couples counseling” meaning one person is willing to attend, and we work on relationship skills and issues.  After a certain length of time we’ve established a one on one relationship, and bringing in the spouse too much later generally isn’t indicated.  I would consider giving you a referral for another marriage counselor if that happened.

You don’t need to do this alone. Help is available.

Begin Couples Therapy in Mountainside, New Jersey

Starting marriage counseling at my New Jersey mental health clinic is simple. You don’t have to live with conflict in your relationship forever. When you’re ready to begin, follow these steps:

  1. Click here to schedule your first appointment.
  2. Meet with a trained couples therapist in New Jersey who gets it.
  3. Get your relationship back on track with the right tools for communication and connection.
Call Me Today To See If We Are A Good Fit

Other Services at Mountainside Counseling Center

Here in Mountainside, NJ, we know that you are not a one-dimensional human. That’s why we treat your mental health needs in a comprehensive, individualized way. In addition to online counseling, we provide a range of mindfulness-based therapy services for individuals and couples. This includes therapy for young adults, premarital counseling, discernment counseling, and therapy for couples in recovery. One of our specialties is serving individuals recovering from addiction and the family members and loved ones who are supporting them. We also have a blog, regularly updated with relevant information for your life. We look forward to meeting you, soon.