For many people, going to couples’ therapy and realizing its benefits firsthand is satisfying enough. Others, however, are interested in learning the why behind counseling, including why and how certain [...]
Generally, people think the goal of conflict is winning. Sometimes in life it is. But in a marriage, that's another losing strategy. If you're winning an conflict, then your partner [...]
Asking for what you want, rather than telling your partner what they did wrong, or about what you don't want, is a winning strategy. A common mistake couples make is [...]
One of the things that connected with me personally when I first heard John and Julie Gottman speak was the concept of the emotional bank account. Several of the Gottman [...]
Differences in politics has come up several times in my work with couples. This isn't new. 38% of married households contain a politically mismatched pair, according to recent survey data. [...]
This is a question I get a lot during sessions, when clients have had a conflict, right in front of me. My answer is: Let’s do a quick repair. [...]
The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your role in the issue. Think about the word responsibility. Response. Ability. You have the ability to respond with patience [...]
In the movie “War Games” (Yes, dating myself), the computer famously says “the only winning move is not to play.” Now there are obviously times in our marriage when we [...]
In my work with couples a lot of people ask questions like “How can you do that kind of work?-sitting there while couples yell at each other, I couldn’t take [...]
Research shows that almost 2/3 of marital issues are unsolvable. At the Gottman Institute We call these perpetual problems. Psychologist Dan Wile says, "When choosing a long-term partner, you will [...]
Contempt: Contempt is the most detrimental of the four horsemen to a relationship. In Gottman language we talk about “negative sentiment override”, which means that there is a time when [...]
