Every marriage goes through ups and downs, and passion naturally ebbs and flows with these changes. Yet, if you feel as though the fire in your relationship has been dormant for quite some time, it’s possible you could be finding yourself in what’s sometimes referred to as the “winter” of marriage. The good news it’s entirely possible to heat up a partnership that’s cooled off. With the tactics below and, if needed, marriage counseling, NJ couples can take their love lives out of this dreary season and into warmer conditions.
5 Ways to Warm Up a Winter Season in Your Marriage
1. Reminisce About the Warmer Days
If it feels like you’ve grown apart a bit, it can be easy to forget about the times when your partnership was more passionate. Yet, those days did indeed happen – no matter what circumstances have taken place since. Recalling the good times could help you weather some of the tougher ones. Consider pulling out old photo albums, home videos, or other saved memories to revisit the highlights. You might even find yourselves making plans to recreate some of those special moments, whether it’s a trip back to your honeymoon destination or a night out at the restaurant where you had your first date.
2. Focus on Your Own Behavior
Oftentimes, we find ourselves casting blame on our partners for relationships that have cooled off. Yet, both parties typically share at least some of the responsibility. Instead of thinking about how your spouse has changed, look inward to think about what may be different on your side of the street. Then, make small but meaningful efforts to show your affection. Greeting your loved one with a kiss, picking up something special for them during your errands, or offering a quick back massage are small but appreciated gestures. Hopefully, your partner will take note and begin to show affection in return.
3. Date Each Other Again
Married couples tend to fall into comfortable routines that work. Yet, your outings together should involve more than going to the grocery store. You don’t have to have an extravagant night out on the town to rekindle romance (although that’s perfectly fine, too). Even a scenic winter walk or new class taken together can become a shared activity that helps you break from routine.
4. Cozy Up
If you can’t beat the actual winter weather, you might as well hunker down and make the most of it with your partner. Spend downtime together by cuddling on the couch or in front of the fire, or make a meal together on the weekend. Reconnecting can be simple. Just try to limit distractions, such as cell phones, during this shared time, so you can really focus on one another.
5. Embrace Signs of Spring
Marriages tend to have a cyclical nature. After a long winter, springtime will almost always return. If you notice signs that your loved one is trying to get back to a better place, embrace them. Show your appreciation for the little things, and remember that season changes are a gradual process.
If your marriage has cooled off but you’re looking to restore the passion, allow Chuck Beardsley, LCSW to help. Specializing in marriage counseling, this Mountainside, NJ-based psychotherapist helps partners foster communication and build strategies to improve their relationships. Schedule your appointment by calling (908) 274-3189.