Generally, people think the goal of conflict is winning. Sometimes in life it is. But in a marriage, that’s another losing strategy.
If you’re winning an conflict, then your partner is losing, and that’s a loss for the team.
The goal of conflict is understanding-you being understood, and understanding your partner.
Another goal of conflicts is not to win them, but to manage them. If you have a conflict and it ends with you understanding your partner a little more, and they understand you a little more, that’s a winning conflict resolution. Getting them to agree, or caving in to their side are not wins.
Rather than digging and trying to persuade, try instead to try to understand.
This turns conflict into connection.
Couples Counseling Mountainside
Chuck Beardsley, LCSW is a level-3 Gottman couples counselor, and is a level 3 Relational Life Counselor. Chuck utilizes Mindfulness, ACT, and other contemplative practices in his work with individuals and couples.
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