One of the things that connected with me personally when I first heard John and Julie Gottman speak was the concept of the emotional bank account.
Several of the Gottman couples counseling winning strategies are employed in the emotional bank account model. Turning towards, instead of away, positive regard, Active listening-they can all make a deposit in the emotional bank account.
Gottman found that the small deposits into the emotional bank account is the road that your relationship is paved on. Small acts of random kindness, supportive gestures, and active listening all make small deposits in the account. Gottman also found that emotional withdrawals carry more weight than a deposit-his research showed that for every 5 deposits (acts of kindness, supportive gestures, etc) they equaled one act of emotional deficit (turning away, un-kind words, lack of attention or support.)
Here’s a video produced by Logun Ury that demonstrates this beautifully.
Couples Counseling Mountainside
Chuck Beardsley, LCSW is a level-3 Gottman couples counselor, and is a level 3 Relational Life Counselor. Chuck utilizes Mindfulness, ACT, and other contemplative practices in his work with individuals and couples.
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