• Contemplative Psychotherapy

Contemplative Psychotherapy

What does it mean when I say I work as a contemplative psychotherapist? If you’re a current client of mine, or considering becoming a client, this is a fundamental question-what exactly is going on in [...]

  • Couples Counseling Mountainside

Here’s a crazy idea-how about talking to each other as a way to get started.

In my work with couples a lot of people ask questions like “How can you do that kind of work?-sitting there while couples yell at each other, I couldn’t take it…” The truth of the [...]

  • Couples Counseling Mountainside Chuck Beardsley LCSW

You Don’t Have To Solve Your Problems.

Research shows that almost 2/3 of marital issues are unsolvable. At the Gottman Institute We call these perpetual problems. Psychologist Dan Wile says, "When choosing a long-term partner, you will inevitably be choosing a particular [...]

  • contemplative psychotherapy

10 Percent Happier

As a contemplative therapist, I utilize a combination of traditional psychotherapy techniques, buddhist psychology and meditation.  Mindfulness meditation, compassion training and self compassion cultivation are some examples of the methods I use. Clients often ask [...]

  • mindfulness couples counseling, contemplative couples therapy

4 Steps To Use Mindfulness With Couples

It’s happened again. The kind of fight with a partner that we dread-the kind that start off seemingly with a simple request or discussion and somehow we’re in a knock down fight , and we [...]

  • couples therapist chuck beardsley article contempt

Contempt: Gottman’s Four Horsemen Article

Contempt: Contempt is the most detrimental of the four horsemen to a relationship.  In Gottman language we talk about “negative sentiment override”, which means that there is a time when a couple in trouble have [...]

  • couples counseling gottman method couples counselor mountainside nj

Stonewalling: One of the Four Horsemen

Stonewalling: Stonewalling is the fourth but not the least of the four horsemen. Stonewalling is occurring when a person in a conflict is so flooded with feelings that they become unresponsive, and withdraw into saying [...]

  • couple counseling mountainside nj chuck beardsley

Defensiveness: One of The Four Horsemen

Defensiveness: The next negative pattern that predicts divorce is defensiveness.  A good definition of defensiveness is innocent victimhood or righteous indignation, usually to ward off a perceived attack.  It’s also a form of blame, a [...]

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Dr. Gottman uses this  metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament as a way of describing the serious impact that these communication styles have on a [...]